7 May 2018

I am a long term floater in to the black hole although my forays are fortunately short and perhaps they are more shades of grey rather than black.

It seems to me that some of us are born worriers. My Mother was a worrier and sadly I have now passed some of these genes onto one daughter. It also seems to me that most worries are so big that they block a lot of other stuff that I could also be worrying about so maybe the bigger the better.

Another curious thing that I have noticed is that the size of the worry does not seem to correlate with the importance of the situation. So for example rather than worry about a new major health issues aka a meningioma (a type of brain tumour) I focus on work stuff which in the BIG picture is pretty minor in scheme of things.

I am definitely better with structure. Meditation definitely helps to quieten the mind and I am making an effort to find more time to meditate – there are some great Apps that I find provide the guidance to keep me on track, make the time more interesting and keep my mind engaged!

Another thing is that having been on the medical treadmill for the last 20 years and acquired frequent flyer status with the wonderful NHS, I discovered that another log term survivor has set up a site set up for people who share my condition. I also discovered that they have a Facebook Group which I have joined.

As we all know Social Media is a bitter sweet thing... I was really interested to read the posts of other people with their story of medical experiences and their various medicinal issues. When you suddenly discover that your body has lost one of its important parts and you need life time medication suddenly these things become very important. My morning pill taking ritual is a salutary reminder that I am fortunate to be where I am and to enjoy the day ahead.

Unfortunately my symptoms have recently changed which probably explains why I was searching the internet for some answers. The web site I discovered had lots of relevant information but it was the Facebook group that it pointed me to that made me appreciate what I have as there are many less fortunate people – as I said a real bitter sweet moment.

Looking at photos is a great reminder of happy times and despite my medical challenges over the last 20 years I am still firing on most cylinders. I have pictures of many family holidays, epic cycle trips and a recent Lands End to John O'Groats cycle ride that put my meds truly to the test. Celebrations have been many, a 60th birthday, 35 years of being happily married to my wife and now 2 grandchildren really underline the true meaning of life.

Despite the size of your worries it definitely pays to look at the big picture and to keep looking at the ones you have taken!



A Moodscope member.

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