One of my favourite UK panel shows (they are the best) is Would I lie to you. Panelists read from a card which is either a lie or the truth. The other team must decided if it is true or a lie. Even when I am having a bad day, I can watch an episode and smile for half an hour.

It has made me think about lies and why we believe them. I do not tell lies, ok I am sometimes creative with the truth but only to improve a story!! I should rephrase that:

I do not tell lies to others but I have told and still do tell lies to myself.

Some are just small ones, such as telling myself I really do need to eat another slice of Camembert or I need to buy another handbag.

Alas the big lies I have told myself have affected my life in different ways.

One that I had told myself for many years was if only I had not had bipolar I could have been (just insert any amazing career from academic, to journalist, to multi-media personality, to comedian to humanitarian work and a many more). This lie blamed all my attempts and struggles with my studies and holding down a job on my bipolar. Sure bipolar did not make life easy but who knows what I would have done if I had not had a diagnosis.

I used to tell myself the reason my marriage and subsequent relationship did not work was that I kept picking the wrong men. This lie was comforting as I could take no responsibility in the breakdown of my relationships, after all I had chosen the wrong partner. Even to me this lie was a bit shaky after all I made the choices willingly and maybe just maybe my behaviour over the years may have contributed to the relationships ending.

Maybe my most dangerous lie was to believe that if I loved someone enough, cared enough, worked hard enough, I could change their behaviour.

I tried so hard, I loved so much, I changed myself and nearly risked my mental and physical health, before I realised love was not enough to change my partner's behaviour.

So do you lie to yourself? Or did you in the past? What was the biggest lie you told yourself.

Leah

A Moodscope member