The title of this blog was inspired by a comment Lex left last week on You Are What You Eat. His words made me think.

What eats us? 

I’m not talking about piranhas here, or great white sharks, but those unexpressed resentments that eat away at us, destroying our peace and often our relationships. Sometimes these issues are with other people – often our nearest and dearest – but, very often, these resentments are aimed at ourselves and our own failures and regrets.

My biggest resentment is my lack of success in my work. I wasn’t a very good accountant, and I wasn’t a financial success in my work as an image consultant and personal stylist. Now I have retired it’s too late to hit any of those targets set by my company for the top consultants.

Four months before ill health meant I had to retire, I had taken on a business coach. He was the best I knew, and he agreed to work with me for half his usual fee because he believed in me. He said, if he hadn’t paid for himself in six months, he would sack himself. By the end of four months, he had already paid for himself and who knows what might have happened had we been able to continue.

When I first retired, all that was a huge upset for me. What brought it to mind just today was watching a police drama where the murderer was an investigative reporter. He became furious with his girlfriend because she knew of a political scandal that could have made his career but, for ethical reasons, she hadn’t told him. He killed her, in a passionate rage, because she denied him success.

But success can be measured in so many different ways. A couple of friends with whom I was honest about my regrets have persuaded me to see things in a different way and to concentrate, instead of on the financial aspect, on the hundreds of clients over the years for whom I have made a huge difference. My lack of “success” is still a small grief when I think about it, but it’s no longer eating at me.

There have been other resentments and frustrations. I haven’t overcome them all, but I do know a change in perspective does help shift one’s thinking to a more positive position.

If we think about resentments, then we become resentful, and those small resentments end up taking over our whole life. If we concentrate on our frustrations, we end up becoming frustrated about everything.

There are many resentments and frustrations in life we just cannot solve – they are just facts of life, and we must live with them. It is how we choose to live with them that defines what we are.

What are your resentments and frustrations, and how could you take a step back and look at them differently?

A different point of view can change everything.

Mary

A Moodscope member