A title for a recent blog wound me up before I had even began reading. The blog was very well observed incidentally, but the title troubled me.

First thing for me to reflect on is the bonus of writing for moodscope, (in addition to reading of other peoples' experiences and perhaps getting involved by responding), as the act of writing down my reactions and observations helps me identify triggers and allows me to question my values and unpick and examine my (sometimes destructive) thinking patterns and behaviour.

Being able to at least consider another point of view is a great strength - I don't have to agree but neither do I have to stand my ground and hold fast to my views, after all, it is very possible that my thinking might just be skewed and flawed by negative life experiences and/or early childhood influences.

I digress from making a difference to extolling the virtues of moodscope - but maybe not. If I look back at the title, this blog started out as one thing but has taken a different route, I shall trust myself and see where it goes (I can always delete!). Have I not just demonstrated that we can make a difference? By considering an alternative point of view, by listening to someone else's experience, by expanding our curiosity with flexible thinking rather than rigidly reinforcing our own long held beliefs, we can make a difference. When we let others have their say, we are saying, "I hear you", "I acknowledge you", "I value you/your opinion". This is a gift for someone who has perhaps not necessary been listened to.

Many of us have been "shut up" for years, one way or another.

I was shut up aged 5 years when my mother washed my mouth out with salt when she heard me say something she didn't like and I have unknowingly shut myself up ever since. Then subsequently berated myself for not speaking out when I thought I had something valuable to contribute to the conversation or discussion. This annoyance made me interrupt others when they were speaking – (or more likely, silently fume, while saying to myself, "ill-informed rubbish"). The subconscious self was saying, "If I can't have my say, I'm not going to allow anyone else to have their say either", ie. I'm not going to listen to anyone else, no-one knows what they are talking about.

Very harsh! – on both myself and others.

I've just worked this out as I write, so dear moodscopers, you are sharing this moment of discovery with me right now as I uncover years of subconscious, limiting, debilitating and destructive behaviour.

I am on a quest for self knowledge and this little nugget of self discovery is priceless for me, treasure itself.

Perhaps the little discoveries we make about our self, is the crack where the light to self knowledge floods in, so the more self knowledge, the more light. The more light, the less darkness.

Millie

A Moodscope member.