All the things I never did...

19 Feb 2019

My O/H and I were having a difficult patch. At the commune where I went for Italian weekends they had a course on 'Technique for solving difficulties'. Might help. They were all women (except my O/H). Half of them were successful business women bitter because they were childless. The others were married with families, who considered that their decision had blocked them from achieving prominence in their pre-marital chosen field. Some of them had been attending the course for years.

Here on Moodscope there have been a lot of posts on awful childhoods and the handicap that causes. But looking back on three generations of friends, I can point to some who have 'failed'. They had happy childhoods, a good education, state or private, access to university (in the good old days of student grants). When they should have been working they were out with pals, involved with sport, just did not knuckle down to 'A' levels, so did not get into university. They just did not aspire to the opportunity that was offered.

I did all this in middle age, when I wanted degrees and had the mind-set to work for them – no way would I have had the impetus, even if encouraged, to do it earlier. So what, if it had been possible, would I like to have done?

To be an archaeologist, scraping with trowel and little brush to find some shard of a pot 5,000 years old. In the sun, of course, not the Outer Hebrides.

To ride dressage horses. I had a suitable horse, but at the beginning of training he became difficult (though beautiful). Before he would probably have killed me we discovered he had a tumour on the brain, and had to be put down. So sad, and I never rode again.

I had a great yen to run a restaurant. My O/H was, rightly, horrified. You get the ambience, the food, the adrenalin runs, and nobody turns up. Then, suddenly, 20 people arrive, and grumble at the slow service.

I always wanted to be slim, 'svelte'. Short-waisted, if I wore anything with a belt I was top-heavy. I made myself frilly dresses – thank heavens it was pre-Facebook - avoided the remarks on how awful I looked.

I love interior design, felt another 'yen' to do it professionally, but the customers are: spoiled, don't know what they want, and don't pay.

I would have liked to be a modern 'Capability Brown' designing on a grand scale – another 'yen' to design French roundabouts; there are some super ones on a 'theme'. Design a garden on a Provencal hillside. Live by the sea, in a sunny climate – all too expensive. No sporting instincts, and sadly lacking in team spirit.

To be a famous author still a hope, bit late. People really like my books, and have liked the hundreds of articles I've written, but finding a publisher hopeless.

What are/were your dreams? Not pie in the sky, but achievable?

The Gardener

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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