My youngest daughter is nearly at the end of her school days. In that environment, (and after the happy junior years) just like me, her confidence and self esteem has been regularly rubbed until it is but a veil. I’m looking forward to when she can wipe clean the slate and begin afresh. She will grow and I’ll be cheering her on.
Her boyfriend of one full year has returned from university for a month. They have managed to sustain a closeness despite miles and miles and miles between them. Their gentle bond makes me smile and I choked at the sight of him behind the huge bunch of flowers. I took them a cuppa and he said he’d not disturb her but continue to let her sing in the shower. He was waiting for her, just listening.
And she sings. She sings without thought, no embarrassment, not much public confidence, but plenty privately with us. Not hidden. Comfortable. And so is her conversation comfortable, even the tough stuff. Through walking beside her, I’ve learned that what broke me, and started my mental health on a downward trajectory, is being exorcised.
I’m far from sure that I can prevent mental health challenges for her - she is a sensitive soul, endlessly doubts herself, and is far less stubborn than me. But I am passing over tools and…I find I am (astonishingly) proud of me. In the absence of being walked beside in my tender days, I find I am repairing myself through parenting her, and being trusted.
The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.
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