When lockdown began I had a few ideas about ways to keep occupied. High on the list was more blogs for Moodscope. Many ideas have come and gone over the weeks. I wake in the night, have an idea and vow to get it down in writing first thing, and sent off to Caroline before breakfast. Then I get up, decide I need some tea, and wait until later. I go out for my daily permitted exercise, a brilliant idea comes to me. All fired up I get home, put the kettle on for a coffee to take up to the office, then I notice the stainless steel microwave is covered in smears. Out comes the white vinegar. Soon the whole kitchen is gleaming, and it will shortly be time to prepare lunch... and so on.
I could say it is down to my need for perfection in all that I do, that my anxiety is holding me back in case I fail. The fact dear reader is that I simply can’t be arsed. I read the other blogs, and mean to comment. I know how much this can mean to a blogger, but again I leave it too late. Sorry, there have been some great blogs.
This lockdown has forced me to admit that I am not built for the long haul. God knows how people in WW2 coped. I would have been moaning and asking “When will this end” by the first Christmas. I can be brave, but in short, instinctive ways. Life in the trenches , waiting, would not have suited me. Even worse would have been stuck at home, desperate for news of loved-ones. Maybe I would have surprised myself, you never can tell. I was amazed to hear my mother came over from Ireland to drive a crane in a munitions factory. For so many reasons that is impossible, scary in fact, to imagine.
I suspect that soon charity shops will be filled with craft materials, exercise equipment, tools, all unused. All those wasted hours. I set myself modest aims, and I have failed to fulfil them. I am at heart a lazy, shallow person. It’s a beautiful day, I should get out to do some gardening, but that would involve getting out of my pyjamas. I am watching the clock, wishing my life away, waiting for 6pm. Today is pizza delivery day, with an extra topping of Prozac.
Have you filled your days with new hobbies, caught up with your reading, learnt a new language? Bully for you! I would like to think there are some out there who have wrestled with their inner slob, and lost.
However you are passing time, I send love and hugs to you all dear friends.x
A Moodscope member.
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