I am no professional expert on bullying but can only write from my experience and by observing and reading about bullies and their behaviour.
I was reading something the other day about an alleged case of bullying. The person accused of bullying said that the person had never come to him with a complaint or to talk about being bullied. Of course not!! I mean how could a person being bullied actually bring the subject up with the bullying person? He or she would have them for mincemeat.
However, what struck me about this reaction was that the bully had no idea how difficult this would be for the person who felt bullied.
Another thing I have learnt from bullies' behaviour is this. If a problem is presented to them by email or text, their preferred method of dealing with the weak and vulnerable is face to face.
I have before received a text from a workplace bully saying "Look let's discuss this face to face" which sent me running. So the bully wins either way. I wish I'd known then what I know now and that is to insist that all conversations and discussions with bullies take place solely in writing and this includes in the work place. No meetings please with the bully present.
Next a bully always denies bullying and will deny it forever. Bullying more often than not, takes place verbally and unless you are in a position to record the bullying words on your mobile for instance, it's always your words against theirs. Almost impossible to prove.
Another tactic of a bully is to single out one person to attack. Someone who appears weak, nice, kind, self effacing and vulnerable. This is obvious. But what is not obvious is that the bully will be nice and charming to everyone else so that confused messages are sent out and the bullied person begins to doubt themselves which is exactly what the bully wants.
Others on Moodscope will know and have experienced other tactics of a bully. It happens so often and not just amongst school children. Work place bullying is rampant. Managers are too frightened of the bully to investigated properly. It can happen in families.
It's sad and plain wrong.
A Moodscope member
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