My youngest daughter is a reactive girl. (That will change, she’s currently 16 and inside the toughest years of teenage, when the brain is still developing the part needed to balance her reactions.) She decided to have a heart to heart with me at an unexpected moment and it was deep. It was important to stop everything, act casual, and listen hard.
The conversation left me drained. I was very happy she could talk openly with me. I was very happy she trusted me. I was very happy she wanted to hear my thoughts. But it left me drained. I really wanted to creep into a corner and digest everything for two days. But life isn’t like that so I carried on.
The next day I was tearful. Our talk had brought up some things I would really rather throw earth over and bury. But life isn’t like that. I did have a little space so I did let myself cry. Not for long but enough to release some of the dam.
In truth, it took me 3 or 4 days to find a peace, during which I could feel my mental health throwing shapes. Only because I now understand myself better, could I take myself under my own wing and hear my healthier narrative blue-lighting to attend. Most of that ability came from the process of scoring my cards some years ago. Doing so opened doors in my mind which may otherwise have remained just walls. It’s taken such a long time to get here, and I am not saying I’m ok, but I am saying that to make any progress we have to first look at ourselves. And be willing to do that. Look at our expectations and judgements of ourselves, and only then can we have half a chance of growing healthier.
The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.
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