Contemplation about Christmas, past, present and future

16 Dec 2021

My past Christmas's have been very eventful, but I’ve always loved it. My only daughter was born on the 9th December so I remember her first Christmas vividly!! Why? Well, we lived in Cornwall, in a country cottage just off the main road. My parents-in-law came down and stayed in our house. It never snows much in Cornwall, however we got snowed in and our milkman had to bring us supplies on his tractor, I was feeding a newborn baby and got an infection, medication also came via tractor and the milkman!

Fast forward and my marriage finally broke down over Boxing day and my ex left on New years Day! You would think those memories would knock the Christmas spirit out of me, but despite a few sad ones, I bounced back and again enjoyed Christmas. I moved away from Cornwall and opened a Hairdressing salon in Tunstall, it was a little Christmas grotto, we wore fancy dress on Christmas eve, mince pies and sherry for the clients!!

My first accident to my legs meant I had to attend a dog show at BUBA in a wheel chair with purple casts on my legs! John by now had become my other half, I had the casts off in time for our first family Christmas together - this was 20 years ago.

John shared my love of Christmas. He had many decorations stored away and had only put a few out when he was alone, so now both of us let rip on the lights in the garden, we had three Xmas trees! We had many lovely times while both of us were fit, we enjoyed our 19 Christmas's together.

So it comes down to this one. Over the last 6 years every Christmas became special, I made each one as wonderful as possible because when John had spinal surgery it sort of brought home to me how the age difference was going to mean we had limited ones ahead. As each one passed I thought I’d make it the best in case it was our last one.

Last Year I was very restricted with my walking so it was low key, but I put the tree from my mum and dad up and bought John a little real one in a pot next to his chair. Unfortunately I lost John in May, but my tree has been up ever since, bringing great conversational pieces, from my Dr's Nurses and carers, as it has gone from Valentines, Easter, Summer and Halloween!

So to this Christmas. I am sure that John would be very happy to see Christmas come to this house - and it’s going to! From the decorating of the tree in December to my family joining me for an early Christmas, I will be celebrating with maybe a little tinge of sadness, but I know John wouldn’t have wanted that.

So for all the love we had over the years, yes, I'm putting the lights up in the Garden, the house doesn't look the same inside so new memories rather than sad ones are to be made. I’m going to have a real log fire burning and four bulldogs sharing the hearth. My friends are welcome and I will be sending Christmas cards to our close friends. Basically I'm trying to say it will be Christmas here despite the empty chair xx



A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at to submit your own blog post!


Login or Sign Up to Comment and Read Comments