If we are not born genetically with them, or if they are not caused by an internal disfunction, we get depressions from the hardships that hit us from the outside world...This is what depressions do: they tend to find one way or another to get to us. I don't believe a person doesn't go through at least one depression in his life (recognized or not). We may as well admit that we need a survival kit for these times, just as for an earthquake, tsunami or avalanche. Because this is how a depression feels like for the person it hits.
So, as I was going through my first real depression in my life (as I like to call it), I was sent by I don't know which Higher Power, an understanding of my situation and the desperate means I should take to get out of it alive. This worked for me, maybe everyone needs to listen carefully to his own intuition and do whatever they feel it will get them on the other side safely.
My depression was caused by a combination of heartbreak, feeling of betrayal, loss of an entire group of friends, of loneliness and of material hardship. I fell into a deep hole and I was alone on the entire world. Or I thought/felt I was. It brings me to tears even remembering the feelings and thoughts I had. And I went into this state a proud, arrogant woman.
I realized though that I needed help. So I started asking for it. Emotional help...from my parents, from a Facebook group, from Moodscope, even from some strangers who saw my condition. I started opening my mouth and saying what I thought and what I felt, one word at a time, one feeling at a time, taking my time. This showed to some the real me, the real person behind the make-up face. They got to know me and they liked what they saw.
I realized being open and honest and not hiding will not alienate people, on the contrary. I got the courage to say I don't feel well, I don't like some things, I am not happy and I asked for advice. I cried for help and it came at the right time through all the unexpected people and situations. I let pride aside and this attitude brought new friends in my life and the experiences and happiness I couldn't even dream of.
I know I am a completely different person now; I wouldn't want to go through that horrific time again, but I am thankful for it. It made stronger and I am proud of what I accomplished. I wish you all the same.
A Moodscope member.
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