Depression that went way. But didn’t.

30 Nov 2021

I suffered from bouts of depression from my early teens to my early thirties.

Usually they were triggered by some problem which seemed serious at the time – being dumped by a girlfriend, a string of rejections for jobs I applied for, a bout of bad health - but sometimes they were just a product of disappointment, especially in my “career” (series of jobs would be more accurate) and personal relationships. It wasn’t just my inability to have a steady relationship with a girlfriend, but also that I lacked friends who shared my interests and outlook…

My bad depressions, however, rarely lasted all that long –  a few weeks to a couple of months max - and even during these periods, I usually enjoyed some things, like sport and reading. But I never sought any treatment, unless you include drinking far too much alcohol. I periodically got some useless advice from friends and family; “You just need to change job”, “Find a wife and have kids” or “Chuck it all in and travel round the world” being prime examples.


My thirties and early forties were much happier times. I mostly did pretty well at work, found a new group of friends with whom I shared many interests and values, had a few steady girlfriends and eventually lived with one of them. My diary was full; I had a nice house and car, went on great holidays and felt positive about the future. I though my days of depression were behind me. I was wrong.


Suddenly, everything changed for the worse. I’d had difficult problems for a while –a very sick elderly mother, a high-stress house move and a high-stress job in a failing company – but I was just about coping until one day the “straw that broke the camel’s back” hit me. It may seem trivial: one of my staff gave in his notice. He was the star of my otherwise unimpressive team, he made it clear that he was jumping a sinking ship. I went crashing downhill and stayed there. I was prescribed a lot of antidepressants over the next few years, and did 10 weeks or so of psychotherapy. The former helped a bit, the latter made me worse. I read a few self-help books but found little to help me.  


After more than two dark years, during which I became ever more reliant on alcohol and “sugar rush” foods, things at work improved (entirely by chance), the house move problems receded into the past  and I started enjoying life again, and had about 7 good years -  until another deadly combination serious work problems and the final illnesses of two of my family sent me crashing down again. This time, I had some CBT, and found a way forward. But, if you are prone to depression, I don’t think you’re ever really “cured” of it. I’ve still had depressive bouts over the last decade, but I’ve learned to manage and mitigate depression far better.

Oldie but Goldie

A Moodscope member.

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Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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