Ferrari SF90 or Chevrolet Spark?

23 Nov 2022

I fell in love with my Mini the moment I saw her on the garage forecourt. She’s a cream-coloured Mini Cooper Clubman and her name is Adele Vivienne. She’s an old girl now, wearing a few dings, and she is at the repair shop today getting a new clutch. I still love her and, even if I could afford a new one, I wouldn’t swap her. She’s taken me all over the country and never let me down; my two girls have learnt to drive in her – which may explain the clutch problem – and she is an absolute Tardis: you would not believe what I can cram inside that little car.

She’s not exactly fast, but then, neither am I.

I have had to face this truth in the last couple of days. I awoke at 1.30am on Friday morning knowing something had shifted. I went downstairs and made a cup of tea. No shaky legs; no spinning far-off world. In fact, everything had edges again. I was better! This depressive episode was, after 42 days, at an end. I wanted to dance around the kitchen. Instead, I drank my tea and sensibly went back to bed.

When I was younger, the abrupt end of the depression would see me instantly on the go again at full pelt. People around me would say, “Take it easy,” and I would look at them blankly and ask, “Why?” I was better; I was back to normal; I could do normal things with my normal energy at my normal speed. I could do 0 – 60, like the Ferrari SF90, in 2.5 seconds.

It isn’t like that now. Yes, I’m better, but I must accept the energy and stamina is not fully restored. In fact, with my sixtieth birthday approaching, I must accept it will never be restored to the same levels it was when I was thirty, or even forty or fifty. We age, and bits of us stop working; our batteries no longer hold a full charge. These days, I’m more like the slowest car tested by Motor Trend, the Chevrolet Spark, which takes 10.1 seconds to reach 60mph.

So, there have still been naps. I backed out of visiting my Father-in-law in the care home. I chose not to go to church, even though I miss it dreadfully. I still ordered easy food and had it delivered.

The end of the depression, thankfully, sees a return of enthusiasm. When I wrote my blog last week, I was scared it wouldn’t come back, but it has. At least now I want to do things. But sensibly; yes, slowly and sensibly. Maybe that’s the lesson learned from this time around.

What are the things you find yourself relinquishing to old or middle age? Is there a graceful acceptance, or are you raging at the limitations age forces on you? And, for those of you still young, what is your views?


A Moodscope member

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Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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