I have not been in a good place this year, since February really. I have felt numb, listless, weary. Any activity has been a huge effort for me. I have felt as if I am simply going through the motions in an attempt to keep some semblance of normality. I have not been much fun to be around. When asked what I wanted to do, my answer invariably was "I don't know". I have clung onto my "crutches" - day-time TV, gossipy magazines and endless games of Solitaire – when it has been a gloriously sunny day outside!
So as the start of the new academic year approached, I decided it was time to take myself in hand – enough was enough. Here is my list of what I began doing:
1 My moodscope score – for the first time this year (though still not every day).
2 Consciously smiling, beaming even, (regardless of how I was feeling) at my nearest and dearest – who commented on how lovely it was to see me smile again.
3 Aiming to get outside everyday, even if it was just to the corner shop (I've not always been successful with this one).
4 Forcing myself to go out – for a coffee with a friend, to the cinema, for a walk.
5 Saying aloud "Action leads to motivation" (thanks again Hopeful One!) and "Anything I do is a bonus" as I tackled the most basic of chores.
6 Recording in my diary what I had done each day – and congratulating myself for it.
Re-reading this I fear that it may come across as being very simple on the one hand, and overly energetic on the other. Believe me, there have still been plenty of hours wasted on my tablet. I haven't managed to restrict that crutch yet...
It feels as if it is going to take some time before I am back to my normal, active self. In the meantime, I am accepting my "baby steps" as progress, and not berating myself for my "crutches".
What baby steps help you emerge from the fog?
A Moodscope member.
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