No, I have not taken to driving a horse and trap round our French town. Although it would be fun. 'Percy' is family-speak for 'perseverance', almost another commandment for us.
Last Thursday's quote was from Gandhi 'Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will'. Leah's same day blog 'How much is too much?' is also horribly apt for my current situation - looking after my husband who has dementia.
Everything that can go wrong has done so, workmen, the house sale, grief and finances.
The grief was for a co-grandmother, who died yesterday of a massive cancer on her liver – she had not been well for years. I told my other half – it didn't make much of an impression – feelings die with Alzheimer's.
Then the radio was banging on about the working class and deprivation. My husband asked if we had suffered it? I clung to my reason. My early life was rough – his with no pot-holes.
He had a good middle-class upbringing and education. No war suffering even, his father too old, he too young, his brother in a reserved occupation. We've never suffered lack of food, roof, comfort, travel or entertainment.
My difficulty now is due to a sudden crescendo of problems. My husband is cosetted and looked after from morning to night. Illogically, as I listened to a welter of world sufferings, I resented his acceptance of all this.
So, I have to interpret Gandhi by using my brain. If I worry I'll get stressed; dangerous, so I look for rest and peace during the day. Insolubles go on to the back burner.
Gandhi's 'indomitable' will I am reckoned by friends and family to have already. But if not controlled it will be a stubborn and bloody-minded will. Nobody can do everything.
Listing priorities is vital. Avoiding confrontation wherever possible (not let a situation get out of hand, or get too tired to cope with it). So, one step/day at a time – trite, a cliché – but well worth studying.
A Moodscope member.
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