Instant Karma

7 Jul 2021

If the laws of karma apply, they do not act promptly. I still wait in vain for real comeuppance to strike certain individuals.


On the other hand, I have experienced some modest but gratifying examples of justice doled out swiftly, without any effort on my part. Occasionally what goes round comes round at a rate of knots.


Take the other day. Spock glanced up from his Sudoko.


“Did you know you have started making grunting noises?” he asked pleasantly.


“What do you mean ?”


“Like just now, when you came up the stairs”


“Oh, my hip is hurting, but that’s not grunting, more like groaning in pain” I said defensively.


He smiled, warming to his subject.”Oh no, you definitely grunted.

And it’s not just when you are on the stairs, you often grunt now.You were doing it the other day, just sitting reading”


We used to go to a local café which I called “God’s waiting room”. It was popular with  old people, and I used to comment how the odd vocal sounds they made got on my nerves.

“If I ever get like them please kill me” I recall saying. This was clearly my comeuppance.


“Well, thank you so much for pointing that out. What a very attractive and sexy picture you paint of me”


“Don’t mention it, I know you would rather I told you”. He returned to his puzzles, looking rather pleased with himself.


I did not have to wait long. Next day a friend was describing a benign skin cancer she had removed, when she stared hard at Spock. He has a short neat beard.


“You really ought to get that  lump looked at” she said, pointing at the wart thingy on his chin.” Maybe shave your beard off to have a good look at it?”


“No way, the one time I shaved my beard off, Val said because I am pale and  bald, I looked like a boiled egg, and she kept bashing the top of my head with a spoon”


She shrugged “Its probably just a senile wart, but I’d keep an eye on it. Sadly these things happen to us when we’re old. I hope you don’t mind me mentioning it, but it has got  bigger”. I certainly did not mind her mentioning it.


Another very satisfying example goes back years ago, when I was really struggling with weight problems.


My friend in the village, no Twiggy herself, joined me in trying to lose weight. We both dropped a dress size, but I  fell, nay leapt, off the wagon and quickly slapped it all back on. She dropped by after being away.


“Oh my God, you poor thing!” she gasped dramatically  when I opened the door.” After all your hard work, bless you, just to end up even bigger than before by the look of it.” She did a little twirl, pulling her gaping waistband. ”I lost another 4 pounds last week”.


Now I should mention that like me, she was  a single Mum, poor as a church mouse.The  local farmer had a shop, and did deliveries. She once confided in me that in return for being “nice” to him, he brought her a free weekly box of veg, with a bit of extra meat thrown in, so to speak. I did not judge, times were hard. I was stung by her cruel comment, but said nothing.


Soon after, we were chatting in the street, joined by The Village Voice. The farmer went past in his van, and this lady chuckled. ”Off to do his special deliveries” she winked. ”God knows I don’t have much money, but I have never got that desperate. Mind you, he’s not very choosy himself, he singles out the real old slappers”. Now I don’t have a catty bone in my body, but Miaow!


I admit it, I smiled quietly to myself.


More recently a neighbour was always giving me horticultural “advice” and making digs about my garden. On my way out , she was there as usual tending to her roses. I commented that I would have to attend to my garden later.


She started laughing “I was saying to my sister, my neighbour Val doesn’t have a clue about gardening, but she will not admit defeat and get someone in to make it look presentable”. Well, thank you so much. On this occasion the wheels of Karma got going in record time.


Barely an hour later I returned  to find two ladies taking photos of my garden.


“Hope you don’t mind, we always look forward to walking past your lovely garden. It’s so vibrant and colourful, such a change from  these boring ones“ they called out, gesturing at the one next door. She was  behind her hedge, scowling.

I smirked with pride when they requested cuttings. She never commented again.


Have you ever had the pleasure of seeing the biter bit, or maybe been on the receiving end  of a karmic slap yourself?


A Moodscope member.

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