Walking home the other day I literally stopped in my tracks. I suspect my jaw dropped in shock. Coming towards me was the thinnest person I have ever seen in the flesh. We have all seen the terrible photos of Belsen, and victims of famine, but I have never seen a girl this emaciated.

She was wearing a little shift dress that hung on a skeletal frame. I would put her age at around 30. She stopped to light a cigarette, and I felt a huge urge to grab her and beg her to stop starving herself. I stood staring after her, as did a couple of others, struggling to understand how she could even walk on her legs.

Thinking about it afterwards, it was ridiculous, not to say self-important, to suppose that anything I said could succeed where no doubt numerous doctors and relatives had failed. It is also possible that she has some wasting illness, not choosing to be like that. It was none of my business, why did I think I should poke my nose in? Did I maybe want to be seen as caring and virtuous? 

Every day I see people who are morbidly obese, and I would never dream of stopping them to express concern. When I was  overweight I had a lot of remarks. One woman gripped my shoulders and said "You would be really nice looking if you just lost all this weight". She clearly thought I would be flattered, but I was mortified, flushed scarlet.

Coming out of a cake shop, a total stranger said "You know I was nearly as big as you once, but Weight Watchers worked for me". Gee thanks, I had never heard of slimming clubs!

In my experience no-one wants unsolicited advice, no matter how well-intentioned .

I made the mistake of suggesting to a woman I knew well that she sounded seriously depressed and should maybe see her GP. She looked offended and upset. I got someone else to phone and apologise for me, but she never spoke freely to me after that.

Likewise someone who was munching really strong painkillers like Smarties whenever we met did not appreciate me expressing concern that they could be harming themselves.

I think change has to come from within ourselves. The old saying that you can't help someone who won't help themselves is so true. Currently I am struggling to keep my mouth shut when a friend talks of investing a large sum of money in a business for her feckless son. She is an adult woman, she knows the score. It's her son and her money.

Have you ever truly been grateful when someone tried to point out where you are going wrong in life? 

Val

A Moodscope member