Now you see it

21 Mar 2020

I get up before dawn to get ready for our match, shower, dress, make my bed (it's a wonderful gift to self at the other end of the day) and by dawn our match is cancelled. The ground is hard, a layer of white frost over everything. My household is still sleeping so I find myself creeping around the house like the reverse burglar I am. Switching off outside lights, tipping blinds so the early morning shimmer begins to creep in.

I make a little cafetiere of coffee and contemplate going back to bed (it never works for me, I usually have very bad dreams if I try). Then I sit. In the kitchen on the couch. The smell of coffee near me. And I just take it all in. The teenage me and twenties me would have laughed at this hour. Yes, some nights this was my getting in time. But now, this is my healing time. Not when head hits pillow at the end of the day but this... this is healing. It's rare to get it, mornings are always busy whether it's a weekend or not but today I have this one hour. There is a tree in my back garden which turns almost neon in autumn. It looks different each time we meet.

As I sit looking at the contrast of the green grass, still snooker table bright, blue sky breaking through like the shiny blue bonnet of Donald Campbell's Bluebird, it occurs to me that I am in a heavenly moment. All the hurt from yesterday is not here. Neither is todays. It's just me, with the view and anything is possible. Anything will likely turn out to be teenage stresses and ironing (did I mention I'm living with teenagers and sometimes I'd rather eat my own kidneys?) but, for now, anything is possible. And it's just wonderful.

Whatever your healing moment is, do find it, develop it, and keep it. Mine used to be inside any toilet cubicle and so I hope my words today show you things can always improve! I'm away back to soak it in for just a little more.

If you'd like to, you can now log your score with me. It's a mirror, and we'll face what we have.

Love from

The room above the garage

A Moodscope member.

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Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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