I've been on this recovery journey for quite a few years now. I've had three years of personal therapy (tick), studying for my counselling degree (very nearly qualified so almost a tick) and personal development (tick).
So why then do I wake up on a Monday morning after a great weekend feeling that I am useless and a complete waste of space??? Noooooooo!! I am right back where I started.
Wrong! I have awareness which I never had previously. I probably overindulged in both food and alcohol. Probably? Well ok I did. A bit of comparison crept in between myself and my friend. We have very different histories and different stories to tell. Neither better nor worse than the other. I also found out later that the universe was shifting a lot of energy around that time.
So the difference now is I didn't isolate and continue with the self-soothing with alcohol. I felt my sadness and yes, I was sad and lonely. A very difficult thing for me to admit. But guess what? It's ok. People don't run a mile when I say I'm lonely. I take responsibility for myself and reach out and connect and ask for help when I need it.
This recovery isn't easy and its ongoing and I feel truly blessed for my Moodscope community. I dip in and out but know that there are always people here when I need them as I am there for others.
I'm going to keep connecting and stop beating myself up so much if I feel low. I know that these are just feelings and they will pass.
A Moodscope member.