I finally had a good day for the first time in a few weeks of moping depression. Motivation married ambition and produced activity. I baked, wrote a segment in the book I am writing and did the laundry. Then I thought since I was doing so well, I would run a few errands... and that went so well I thought I may as well go and visit a friend... and caught myself. "Self," I said, “Just because you feel better doesn't mean you have to spend it all in one place. Pace yourself or you will be worse off than ever."
It is a journey but I am learning not to leave my self care up to other people. There is no one better than me to say “Enough," to me. Part of learning self care is to put up boundaries with takers. Human nature is to get what you can while you can and the first step is not taking more from myself than I can give.
Self care is saying no to draining friendships, or at least limiting them, and cutting the wrong people right out of your life. Snip snip snippety snip.
The reward of taking care of oneself is the absence of resentment. I don't have to resent anyone else who didn't come through for me because I came through for me.
When I lost the people pleasing addiction I gained myself. After all, if I were to nearly drown I don't want someone else's life to flash before my eyes.
With mental illness comes vulnerability and people trying to walk all over you and take advantage. I had someone walk right into my unlocked gate and into my unlocked front door this week. It infuriated me until I remembered who left the hatches wide open. I also had someone hack my social media account. So now I lock and block, without guilt. Good fences make good neighbors, I have heard all my life.
All my adulthood I have wanted a romance and found anything but. Lately I have simply learned to enjoy my own company and that of my house pets, a dog, a cat and assortment of dust bunnies. I jokingly say: “The more I deal with people the more I like animals." But I enjoy everyone on Moodscope and playing the game of: “Guess the author," when I start reading the blogs. I once said, about romance:"I have been looking for the missing part of me and can't find it," to which the listener replied; “Maybe nothing is missing."
A speaker I once heard said; “When it comes to people two halves make a quarter." And I agree while applauding community, and say sometimes you have to be your own rock. People and things are a bonus.
A Moodscope member.
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