Today I started completing the daily test again. After 610 days of not taking it. Yes, 610 days. Today. I went back to it. Also, today, I made it to my 40th consecutive day of Headspace daily meditations when a quiet voice in my head (yep, getting better at listening to her these days) said: "Ok, so how about you try taking the daily Moodscope tests again?" Research shows that 'piggy backing' a daily habit onto another daily habit means you are more likely to sustain it. And believe it or not, I HAVE been reading the daily Moodscope blogs! Perhaps not for the 610 days during which I haven't taken the test but I'd say for a sizeable chunk! And Moodscope has been in my life since 2014. AND I can often be found 'screen shotting' the quotes at the end! Brum Mum's one recently within her blog about choosing to act was very beautiful and resonated with me.
But I've NOT been tapping the green dot that says 'take the test'. I wonder why?? I think I know and I won't go into all the whys and wherefores now, but suffice to say: I've been ignoring or at the very least suppressing some of my raw emotions. However, through therapy, I've learnt for me it's habitual and part of a childhood cycle that I'm freeing from. I've come a very, very long way in terms of accepting myself but...going there on the cards? 'Scared?' 'Distressed?' Go there and admit it to myself? And it be recorded? No thank you I told myself. Same goes for some of the lovely red cards...'Strong?' 'Enthusiastic?' Again, admit to myself I'm often 0/1 on these?? Erm. No thank you. Not to mention having to do battle with my annoying inner critic Petunia-Hyacinth who judges my low scores! But today, there was something about the mini celebration that went off inside when I acknowledged I'm Quite A Bit Proud of myself. Woah. I am actually! I am Quite A Bit Proud of myself!
Who knows, maybe in 40 more days - or less - I'll try again with annotations too, but do you know what? And this is massive for me: what I've achieved today is enough. And I am quite-a-bit PROUD of myself. Today.
A Moodscope member.