I thought there were only benefits in being a people pleaser, I never imagined others would see it as an undesirable trait. To me people pleasing is all about thinking of others before myself and so being a caring compassionate person.
I would proudly say I was a people pleaser then I noticed a few years ago people saying 'yes you are' with a sarcastic tone. After googling I saw the tide had turned and now most of the articles were about the down side of people pleasing.
According to the articles people pleasers are unhappy because they please people when they don't want to and feel guilty.
This isn't me or is it? I like to do things for other people because I like helping.
One point was that we must learn in life that we don't have to like everyone, everyone doesn't have to like us and that's ok.
I want everyone not to like me but to like each other. I can't handle conflict. So I will everything to make people get on with each other.
It also said you feel exhausted and depleted from putting everyone else's needs before your own and not taking the time out to practice self-care. I thought that was just the definition of being a parent or a carer.
If your people pleasing affects your own health, then it becomes a becomes a problem.
If you find it hard to say no even when saying yes will stress you, you may need to limit your people pleasing activities.
Some of the high costs to a people pleaser, can be deep resentment, loss of self awareness, exhaustion and low self esteem.
I can relate to some of the negative results of people pleasing, especially the exhaustion and the loss of self...
Practicing saying no to people without feeling guilty later is another important skill... I have learnt to say no but am still working on the guilt.
Do you see yourself as a people pleaser?
Is it a problem for you - in what ways?
Or are you a people pleaser who has found the balance? How?
Any advice for a people pleaser who wants to change?
A Moodscope member.