I really want to go and visit places in this country and abroad. But I hate being away from my home. I want a change of scene. But I love where I live. I want to challenge my fears. But I am afraid of coming out of my comfort zone.
I used to quite enjoy plane travel. After last time, not at all. I find being around lots of people draining. That doesn't change. If I go with my husband (and that is pretty much a given) he is even more of a stress-head than me, and it builds up. I feel quite sad that I don't really enjoy that feeling of being on holiday that other people seem to so intensely enjoy and I feel I am missing out. The last time I went on a plane earlier this year, I had a lift back from a friend and we had left slightly later. She had a passenger in the back who was suggesting we went a different way and I kept looking at the time and panicking, worrying I was going to miss my flight back to my own country, but having to mask my irritation and panic, with her being chirpy and upbeat.
You don't want to look a lift horse in the mouth but I was ready to snap at any moment. That said, it left me little time to do anything other than look up with dismay when I got to the airport to see that I was a fair way from the terminal I needed to be at. I had two dresses on because I had overpacked my case and my phone was about to run out of charge. They had also temporarily lost my expensive boot (thankfully located soon) but a brooch on my coat set off an alarm and I had to step back and was a little barked at to stretch out my legs and arms so they could check I was not armed... I was not expecting that.
I would love to know if anyone else feels this way. They are desperate to discover more of the world but either money or inclination or fear stops them. For me a combination of all three can be a factor or at least one or two. I prefer having self catering because that feels more like home and although it takes me a few days to settle, it is much preferable to bed and breakfast. I hate with a passion having to sit with other couples in a room, hushed tones, forced to eat what is on offer rather than suit myself, and getting up early. The latter is like a backlash of working full-time for 30 years and having to get in to work at 8.30 or 9 for five days on the trot. I miss our bed, TV, sofa (and the dog, if we have to have him looked after as we did earlier this year) and much more. Please tell me I'm not alone.
A Moodscope member.