The Terrifying Prospect of Another Year.

27 Dec 2017

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So – that's over then.

Yes – the 25th has been and gone. We survived, if only just.

There's still family to visit of course and the almost equally dreaded New Year's Eve. We have a party this year – but a small party – just a get-together of good friends. So, it won't be too bad. It won't be like other parties where I have crept away to hide. I have been known to slink underneath a handy table, one with a long tablecloth, just to get away. I have sought refuge in the kitchen washing up. "Oh – don't do that!" says my hostess, a little embarrassed. "Go back out there and enjoy yourself." Enjoy myself? I'd rather scrub dishes, thank you.

But this is a small party where everyone knows me well enough I can say, "I'm just going to check out for a bit. I'll be back in a while." They know I need my alone time.

People who don't know me well only remember me from my manic days when I was the life and soul of the party. I can still perform on occasion – after all, part of my job is to give entertaining talks. I'm pretty good at that. Parties – not so much. If I can find one interesting person to talk to for most of the evening, that's fine. Working the room? I mean – how on earth does one work a room, for goodness' sake?

And then, 2018. The whole year, stretched out before us, challenging us to do something with it. It's like that length of fabric or pack of beautiful paper, or piece of wood. We feel we really ought to do something worthwhile with it. Maybe we should have a project. We should achieve something with it.

How about we just have a project to survive to the end of 2018, to just get through? For some of us, that is an achievement in itself. In my darkest times, just getting through to the end of the day was a victory. Getting through the whole year was worthy of an Olympic medal!

I've got a few plans. Keeping on with being healthy is one. I want to carry on working towards the goal on the scales (it's a reasonable one – don't be concerned). I want to stay on top of the drinking. I'd like my business to make a profit. It doesn't even have to be a big profit, just so long as it's paying me, rather than the other way around.

I'd like to stay talking to my girls and my husband. I'd like to stay talking to my friends and nurture those friendships.

Small ongoing goals. Carrying on, really. Keeping on keeping on. Appreciating the small joys and getting through the inevitable griefs and challenges.

2018 doesn't have to be special. If we get to Christmas next year then that's enough.

It's more than some can hope for, after all.


A Moodscope member.

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