The three Marriages of Life.

26 Jun 2015

"In the midst of a seemingly endless life, however, we can spend so much time attempting to put bread on the table or holding a relationship together that we often neglect the necessary internal skills which help us pursue, come to know, and then sustain a marriage with the person we find on the inside." David Whyte

I just love this quote.

The type of work I do takes me in to organisations and families who have asked me in (I don't do tenders – that places money before morals – I only work where invited).

They would like to reduce stress and become more coherent as a group of human beings ie. human-doings that many people feel in work – or more aligned as a family to reduce hurt and disturbance.

The challenge is, most of us will have what David Whyte would call 3 marriages in our lives and the most important one, with the person inside, we'll leave to last - if at all.

We all know the 'marriage' to work and most of us will know the 'marriage' to a partner.

The latter can suffer due to the 'marriage' to work and in the IQ world we'll talk (falsely) about 'work/life' balance – a very divisive phrase which pitches work against home, when in actual fact work is a part of life – not interfering with it!

I once refused to do a 'Work/Life' balance event in Spain (global Plc) – I did do it, after they changed it to 'Life Balance'.

Until we have become comfortable and have gone 'in' to explore and know and control ourselves, how can we possibly bring ourselves fully to either of the work or partner marriages?

I would offer that most human discomfort falls out of us not truly knowing, understanding and controlling ourselves!

This means being emotionally intelligent (EQ) far more than it does cognitively intelligent (IQ), as well as being physically intelligent (PQ) and spiritually intelligent (SQ).

To Live – PQ – Human Living

To Learn – IQ – Human Doing

To Love – EQ – Human Being

To Leave a Legacy – Being Human

Most of my own depressive illness was in the EQ & SQ area– drugs did not help me PQ and IQ were fine.

I had to 'inscape' to really find out who I was BEFORE I could have a sustainably happy personal relationship or find my true vocation.

Have you found your vocation?

Have you found that true marriage to self – where all happiness actually starts?

The amount you know and love yourself is the exact amount you can love anyone else.


A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at to submit your own blog post!


Login or Sign Up to Comment and Read Comments