My friend is getting a tattoo. We are the same age, we have similar-ish careers, we are mothers, we swim in the sea, we are good storytellers and we both have been talking about getting a tattoo for the past four years. The difference is - she has booked her appointment, picked her design and her bodily location (!) and has paid her deposit. I have done none of these things. I am merely (still) talking about getting one.
This has got me wondering about a few things:
1 Do I really want a tattoo?
2 Am I someone who likes the notion of things but not the reality?
3 Am I someone who talks to think rather than thinks first and then talks?
My honest answers:
1 I am not sure if I really and truly want a tattoo.
2 I do like the thought of doing something completely new, the notion of an adventure, but often the reality doesn’t live up to my fantasy and I end up disappointed. For example: I thought I would love paddle boarding. I love swimming in the sea so why wouldn’t I? I was sure that I would desire nothing more than to be standing on a paddle board, out at sea, in my wetsuit, swishing my paddle back and forth with great skill and confidence. Aha but the reality was very different. The sea was far too wavy and I fell in many times and I had to drag my sorry self up onto the board each time and start again, balancing for a little bit and just when I felt I was doing a half-decent job, off I fell and… SPLASH… back into the sea. And repeat! And while I spat out sea water and smiled and said to anyone who would listen ‘isn’t this great fun altogether?’ what I actually was thinking was: ‘What the hell am I doing? This is not pleasurable. I want to swim in the sea, not balance on top of it!’ Plus… I felt rather nauseous which, on reflection, may or may not have been sea sickness!
3 I do believe that I am a person who talks to think. I have an idea and I talk it through - aloud. Some people therefore presume that I am in the process of making a decision. But the truth is… I am playing with suggestions and notions and maybes and perhapses. For example: I have contemplated buying three different cars in the past month. All three are too expensive and impractical but… very cute. The likelihood of me trading in my sensible car for a jolly little convertible is slim to none. But here’s the thing… I like talking my thoughts aloud and creating fantasies and planning adventures. I like it - even if they never actually happen.
So, I will cheer on my friend when she gets her tattoo. I bet it will be lovely on her. But, in all honesty, I probably will never get one.
I am going to buy myself a new colourful swimsuit though. Of that, I am sure…
Salt Water Mum
A Moodscope member.