Emotions bind us. Experiences bind us. But the strongest thing that holds people together irrespective of differences in caste, sex, creed, is trauma.
For trauma can be re-triggered by various aspects. Be it glancing, hearing something or going through it again in some form. You get fixated and time stops. Logic blows away and you look around for protection or for just being able to live through the panic.
Trauma runs across generations, families.
If one does not deal with it, it sweeps you off your feet even if you tell yourself that you can deal with it. Trauma erases previous conflicts among people and encircle us to fight together.Thus, you may push away people for numerous reasons. But, when trauma strikes and you feel the ground has opened up and the fire is encroaching, you run towards those very people who are feeling the wrath of the intense disturbance.
You can't slip it under the rug, or keep it hidden in the box with a strong key. We feel uncomfortable with these feelings and try to distract ourselves with other stuff. It can be as complex as drinking to as 'simple' as just binge watching. But we do whatever it takes to avoid these difficult feelings.
Many are afraid to speak out, many are scared to reach out. Thoughts race about safety and stigma. When did we come to the point of this strong fear? Have people lost their empathy, to provide unconditional positive regard? Or is it that we are afraid to trust and lean on someone again?
All these statements went through my mind as I approached my sister and told her about my trauma for the first time.
We have been fighting ever since I can remember but I know that a family trauma like this can be and needs to be shared with her. I did not know how she would react, but I remember her gaze on me and silently listening to my every word. I received a strong hand on my back and a tub of ice cream to be devoured while watching studio Ghibli movies together.
Words sometimes aren't enough when you know you are hurting. Words are certainly not enough when two people have kept on acting hostile towards each other. Yet, small actions together, like a holistic plan, sheds away our inhibitions one by one, till we rise above our uncertainty and face towards sunshine.
I know now: Learn to heal together for it's a collective process. Even if we have individual differences, some things always fasten us forever.
A Moodscope member.