Well... lots of things... that I am an awful housekeeper. That just because it says on the tin that she's a Lady... she might have money and a title but she ain't got any class.
That people can surprise you... with their lack of contact after you move 500 miles away... or despite regular and caring emails they dismiss you with one word and others whom you saw more infrequently become warm, closing and caring friends who are really there for you, rain or shine.
That you know when something isn't working out... such as a job and no matter how many people tell you things might get better, you just know that it isn't working out. That if a job sounds too good to be true, and they lie to you about seeing 20 other people to interview and then offer you a second interview the next day and people warn you about that person, you can still be blind and accept it because it sounds sooooo good on paper.
That I should take more care of myself physically and love my body more instead of hating it with a vengeance as it becomes more rounded and mature... but I know it will take lots of work to harden the lines but that's what I want. My idea of sexy is more muscular and toned and I will get there.
That I probably can sing in a band one day because if I can stand up in front of several hundred people and take a funeral service, I can probably shape-shift as long as I strengthen my vocal ability and hone my stage presence – the raw goods are there, they just need more oomph.
That I must build in more fun to my life – of late I have had what my brother called a sense of humour bypass, especially on myself – and my fun side was always what kept me going through the dark hours.
That I need to dance more – alone in my lounge, along with friends and in my heart. That I hated being on a minimum wage working in a hotel that did not care for its staff one bit knowing that I could earn in one service what I earned in a whole week.
That things take so much time up here in the Highlands – friendship, work (and the subsequent self-respect that comes from doing something that is important, that you are good at, and that you love).
That you need a mighty load of resilience to cope with such a huge culture change and geographical distance. That you will find your friendship tribe but may have to cope with a few knockbacks.
That anxiety will follow you like an unwanted stalker wherever you are unless you learn to deal with it in your own way.
That you will miss dear family and friends like crazy at times like Christmas, New Year and birthdays and that never goes away. That your life will never be the same again. And that fact is terrifying and liberating at the same time.
A Moodscope member.