I had a very strange experience a couple of weeks ago. I popped into one of our favourite Wool shops with Lady Penelope, and settled down on the comforting sofa to review the excellent photography in the Rowan catalogues. Their photos are my gold standard – the look and feel that I'd aspire to on a model shoot.
The owner of the business is one of the loveliest people on the Planet. Gentle, caring, feminine – soft – in the strongest possible way. Does that make any sense?
Around her I feel safe, I feel cherished, I feel wanted, I always feel welcome.
And so I started to cry.
This was very embarrassing.
I wept – the tears flowed.
They are flowing now just remembering that precious 'moment'.
I couldn't explain myself.
But I'm a reflector.
On reflection, I think I know now what was happening.
I was experiencing grief – an overwhelming sense of 'loss' – for a life I longed for but had never achieved.
She was the 'Mother' who I never had – caring, protective, demonstrative, appreciative.
She was the 'Lover' I'd always wanted: feminine, graceful, gentle, and more than a little 'out there'.
She was the 'Life Partner' I desired above all others: in tune with my values and allowing me to be me as I celebrated the 'She' that she was in all her glorious fullness and freedom.
And here she was, at last, after waiting oh so l-o-n-----------g.
All my longings came to the surface in that moment, and I was lost to the emotions.
Except she wasn't.
I don't know her that well.
What I do know is that I know the Archetype that she mirrored for me in that instant.
And I know that I am in love with those Archetypes – the ideal Mother and the ideal Lover, and the Life Partner that affirms and empowers.
I know that I am actually 'in love' with 'Love' itself.
And so, having made a fool of myself, I have recovered... I think.
There's no key message today.
I don't know what to say.
I just wanted to share.
But I do know, that in that moment, that brief moment, I touched something that was right at the core of my being. A longing. A passion. A grief. And a hope.
A Moodscope member.