I am here

10 Aug 2022

Here I am, sitting at a cute cafe with my laptop, a cappuccino and a glass of ice cold water. The beach is four metres away. It’s a small, stony, beautiful beach, full of children and parents and grandparents and lovers and friends. Multi coloured parasols protect most body parts on most people. Some, like me, have moved away from the lunchtime sun and are having a drink or a coffee in this shaded cafe. Do I smell chips? That ice-cream looks yum! I look out towards the sea and I see my son, splashing about in the pure clear water, climbing a rock and jumping in, pencil style. I wave in his direction though he won’t see me. He looks happy and I, in a sudden moment of self-awareness, realise that I too feel happy. Happy. Content. Mindful. I am here.

I had resisted this holiday. I always resist a holiday. My work is freelance so there is no ‘taking a week or two off’. This has made me indecisive over the years. Others call me spontaneous as I tend to book two or three days to go somewhere at the last minute. But, in reality, that way of holidaying is stressy and expensive plus my teens complain that we never have a ‘holiday plan’ like their friends do. This year I allowed myself to be nudged to take the holiday plunge. It did feel like jumping off a high rock. The truth is I experienced pangs of anxiety when we were booking the flights and the accommodation. Nine nights away is the longest holiday I’ve had in… forever! The ‘what-ifs’ were flying through my frazzled brain. All the work deadlines what-ifs of course but also health what-ifs and safety what-ifs and many what-if it all goes wrong and we drive each other mad what-ifs and…what do I do with our dog and what-if there is an emergency and… yes, I over-think every single thing which is why I don’t do this… but here I am.

And it’s wonderful. We brought our snorkels and we can see small, tiny and big fish swimming around us, we are languishing on the beach and exploring the city, we watched the beautiful sunset last night, we are eating nice food in little cafes but we also splashed out and dined in a fancy restaurant with a stunning view. I am working - I have my laptop and I am meeting my deadlines but it feels different - calmer, lighter, freer.  I am (way) out of my comfort zone. And it feels good. To those who nudged me, thank you.

Now I’m going to join my son in the sea… perhaps have a little jump off that rock.

I am here. 

Salt Water Mum

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!


Login or Sign Up to Comment and Read Comments