Life's been a bit grim lately, and overwhelming.
I'm rather proud however, of the way I have reacted. It's easy to wallow in the negative feelings and to hold a long, long pity party. And – yes, I will admit I have felt very sorry for myself from time to time; surely that's allowed? But I've also purposely done some positive things and refrained from negative things. And – they have helped, so I'll share them here, because we all have moments when life gets grim. Most of you are dealing with clouds far darker than mine and I humbly accept that. I also accept that some of the things I've done cost money and that money is a challenge for many.
I think the most powerful thing for me was the decision to be positive and move forward. It didn't feel any better at the time, but everything from there has been brighter.
I've always liked Steven Covey's first rule in his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People; "Begin with the end in mind." If you know what you want in the end, it is easier to make decisions based on working towards that end. If you want to be happy you need to work towards that happiness, even if you can only take baby steps.
The first thing is a bit controversial, I suppose. Nobody likes a Moaning Minnie, so I've purposely withdrawn from all but a few close friends. I don't want to spread gloom or to constantly rehearse my litany of woes. Yes, we all need our support network, but sometimes less is more: fewer friends give stronger support.
I've made the time to speak to and spend time with those friends and to purposely listen to their stories. They have their own challenges and triumphs and it's been good to be more involved with them and less with myself.
I've booked another series of sessions with my therapist. This will be painful, I know, but beneficial.
I picked the last roses from the garden and arranged them in my office. Very importantly, I didn't beat myself up about the state of that garden. An untidy and overgrown garden is better for the wildlife anyway!
I made birthday cards for my niece and brother. That was soothing.
I had a little clear-out. Nothing major – I just shifted a few things out of the door, so my office looks clearer.
I visited a cathedral with a friend and bought a CD of organ music – I'm playing it now. I love organ and choral music: rock might be more your thing.
I've burnt my scented candles (except not today as the roses smell so nice).
I gave myself a pedicure; it made me feel that I was honouring myself: giving myself time.
Most important of all, I am giving myself permission not to be perfect.
Big things and little things, but all positive. I'll know they've worked when my Moodscope score returns to "normal".
A Moodscope member.