I've written a lot of late about treasure – and please bear with me while I explore yet more on the subject. There is much to be worked through as I peel back the layers of destructive behaviour to discover my true self, my essence.
What is it you want?
I can honestly say that I don't know, I haven't got a clue but I know I am looking for something. Something is missing, there is a void I am trying to fill and when I find this elusive "thing", all will be well in the world. No more pain, no more sorrow, no more loneliness, no more destructive behaviour towards myself and others.
That is a lot of pressure I have just piled on myself to find this "thing". Clearly if I don't find it, I am destined to a path of destruction and misery, taking others along with me whether they wish to accompany me or not.
So I keep digging, I must find this treasure, which I have now accepted is not a trunk full of sparkling jewels and gold coins, but rather a missing piece of the jigsaw that will complete the picture after which everything will fall into place. Happiness will flow, success will follow, as will confidence, social invitations...etc.
Who am I trying to kid? Is this not just more of the same?
Only when I let go of this magical thinking and enter the real world, as opposed to one of fantasy and fairy tales, do I begin the real journey of exploration.
I am likening myself to an archaeologist at the moment, slowly and carefully feeling my way as I scrape away at the layers of dirt and mud. Sensing that I am going to find something but not really knowing what it might be, but trusting the process.
Seek and you shall find. If I don't look, I will never find and I have started looking so will keep going until I find this elusive "thing". Of course it is possible I am looking in the wrong place for the wrong this, as I eluded to in an earlier blog. So accepting that there will be mistakes, there will be disappointments, there will be flurries of excitement, there will be moments of pure joy, there will be revelations, there will be victories, there will be destruction, accepting it all as part of the journey, I think is key.
Or should I say "the key" to the trunk of treasure filled with pearls of wisdom and jewels of awe and wonder, trust and acceptance, friendship and kinship, kindness and curiosity.
Thank you for staying with me while I journey along my road of exploration. I too will walk with you while you navigate turbulent times. I shall laugh with you, I shall cry with you and I will be here for you.
I am listening to you.
A Moodscope member.