Skillsets

7 Sep 2022
Bookmark

I was recently thinking about skillsets for my self employment as a celebrant and came up with quite a few. With this blog, I hope to be encouraging you to think about your own personal skillsets and the contribution you make to the world with them.

It sounds exhaustive, but for my self employment there are various attributes I need. To be empathetic, to make people feel at ease at often the worst time in their lives, to notice behaviours and adapt your own accordingly, to be non-judgemental, to be highly organised, to be a “people” person even when you don't feel like it sometimes, to be able to multitask and juggle several services at once (with all their individual requirements) in different stages, to be able to hide your own emotions at the appropriate moments (there is the very occasional and rare dislikeable client who you still have to get on with), to remember names (so many of them!!), to feel the fear and go for it, to be a reasonable navigator and a very good time-keeper, to be flexible (but with limits and boundaries too!), to have some history of your own that will actually enable you to sometimes understand what someone is going through and if you don't – to have the empathy to put yourself into that mindset, to be a great listener and an active note-taker when there are distractions (children, dogs, multiple people talking all at once and over each other), to have systems in place that keep you organised (I have checklists, electronic folders and sub-folders), to be creative and do your own marketing (I created my own website, business cards and do a newsletter)... these are just a few and it sounds exhaustive.

Some of these filter over into my personal life. It's good to be organised with personal paperwork but I'm not so great at that... currently wading through reams of stuff about pensions which I hate with a vengeance as it's all SO complicated.

To be a good listener and have empathy is great, however you have to be wary of absorbing too much from other people and then taking on their pain and the worry about them. You have to keep a bit of yourself back and then some more for your own sanity.

To have a sense of humour (even a dark one) is vital as a balance in this wonderful but unique industry of the funeral world.

So enough about me, how about you... what do you feel you bring to this world? What do you bring to others and yourself? You might be surprised at what comes out... I find myself saying (about my second job) that I am ‘just’ a cleaner but that denigrates the role. No one is ever ‘just’ something. We are all important and we all have something to say, to give, to contribute.

Liz

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!

Comments

Teg

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:29 a.m.

Good Morning to the Highlands, A very positive well written Post. Your business as a celebrant obviously requires a multitude of skillsets. Thank you for sharing these with us. You ask about my skillsets. I must have learnt something in70+ years! It is difficult to not make this sound boastful but I think I have developed more during the last 18 months. During that time I have had many hours of therapy and engaged in the Moodscope blog on a regular basis. I feel I am now considerably more empathic and sociable. I have always had a SOH but have now put this to more use. I think I am generally regarded as friendly. Am well organised particularly with financial matters. Finally to put things in balance, there are of course weaknesses but we are not talking about those today! Txx

Reply

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 7:16 a.m.

Hi Teg. It doesn't sound boastful, I was worried that my list sounds that way but it really is what you need to do this job well. Not to put people off though, there are always areas you will need to polish but I realised just how much I needed in terms of doing it that way. No wonder I have sleepless nights sometimes! I admire your honesty and determination, we all need some of that and what you have done in the last 18 months sounds life affirming. I think in addition I was brought up in a house that absolutely did not make mention of achievements. I'm not sure what effect that had on me but now it seems the opposite with all the influencers, social media showing off and the like!! I think weaknesses are things that you can overcome lastly, I was terrible at, and hated giving presentations. That was a HUGE thing for me to overcome and I still get nervous before every service, that never goes away but that is what propels you forward. Thank you for your reply x

Jul

Sept. 8, 2022, 7:07 a.m.

Good morning Liz. A very dark wet one here on the south coast. I would think the skillset you have as a celebrant will equip you for any job. It does sound exhausting though but I am sure you do all these things in your stride and don't think of your skills individually when you are working. I am very impressed though Liz. Not sure about my skillset! I am not competitive which helps when talking and interacting with people. So I guess they feel at ease when in my company. I am interested in people and ask questions (not too intrusively!). I am logical to a fault and practical. Try to be kind but don't we all here. I'll think of what my skills are Liz.I think it would help me to think about this. Jul xx

Reply

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 7:23 a.m.

Hi Jul. I think I also realised, when writing this, that I am better off being a "lone wolf" in terms of employment. I was never great in a boxy office with lots of noise around or worse still, absolute silence. I wish I'd done this earlier though. Write yourself a list Jul. There is so much for all of us to embrace in ourselves. All the skills we need to live a more fulfilling life and lots to still learn about ourselves. I'd love to be more logical in my life but I am learning. Thank you for your reply and hope the weather improves xx

Ginny

Sept. 8, 2022, 7:08 a.m.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I haven't got time at the moment to reply in length, but this has been so helpful. Especially the bit about having empathy for people but not to get too absorbed in their problems to our own detriment, and our mental health. I will read it again several times

Reply

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 7:27 a.m.

Hi Ginny, am glad it has helped. That one thing is something I am still learning though, I do absorb too much. And you notice other people's behaviours and interactions - I always pick up on atmospheres. That can be interesting... but draining too.

Ginny

Sept. 8, 2022, 8:28 p.m.

Yes, I think we will always be like that, because we care about other people so much. I think those of us with a mental illness understand people more because we have been there ourselves

Sue

Sept. 8, 2022, 8:31 a.m.

Hi Liz, what a great list of skillsets you have, many of them hidden to most of us but essential for what you do. I was once told at work that I was the most organised person my boss knew. My husband finds that hilarious as I often wander round wondering where I have put something. But now I am administrator and Treasurer both for my church and a charity it comes in very useful. Also, I have good word and excel skills, in short supply in our church. I also help on the till of a charity shop which requires being pleasant and polite at all times and chatting with some customers. Not so easy sometimes to stop the conversations!

Reply

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:44 p.m.

Hi Sue. I did worry when I looked back on this that it looked a tad grand but they really are the things that you need to make a success of the job. I know what you mean about wander ing around trying to remember where things are - a frequent habit of mine! You sound like a real asset to your church and charity shop xx thank you for your reply

Bearofliddlebrain

Sept. 8, 2022, 9:14 a.m.

Hi Liz, What an amazing list of the attributes you have by the bucketload - I think I have some of those…would sometimes love to be able to help people through their rough times and the death of a loved one is one of the worst, but the one thing I do have to be careful of in my many roles and guises, is to not take on everyone else’s problems and to not worry about them all the time. (Just last week I received the very sad news that a dog-walking friend of ours had died. All day I kept thinking of her (and also how I should have kept in touch more, so the guilt weighs heavily) but then I have to remind myself that the phone lines go both ways.) Then if someone else upsets me, I can’t get it out of my head - might be days before I’m not thinking of it all the time. Soo oopsie, I’m finding my faults not my qualities!!! Am very good at that!! Ha ha ha! Like Teg, I am finding it hard not to sound boastful - but I know I have empathy and kindness. Will have to have a longer think! Love, thanks for the blog and Bear hugs x x x

Reply

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2022, 9:48 a.m.

There is not enough space on here to list all the good and valuable things about you,dearest of bears.***

Jul

Sept. 8, 2022, 10:09 a.m.

So true Val. You are one of the most self aware people I know Bear. You know yourself inside out! This to me is the basis of your appeal. You are honest, kind to others and the world is a better place with you here. Jul xx

Bearofliddlebrain

Sept. 8, 2022, 2:35 p.m.

Oh my Val and Jul - don’t know where to look…am embarrassed and have wet eyes now. Much love to you both for your kindness Bear x x x

Teg

Sept. 8, 2022, 3:42 p.m.

And don't underestimate yours, Valerie! You make valuable contributions to this Blog regularly. They are unique to your personality which seems a little on the quirky side. They are never dull and usually entertaining. Thank you. Txx

Teg

Sept. 8, 2022, 3:47 p.m.

And just to prove it I have just read your message to Liz a few minutes ago! Txx

Teg

Sept. 8, 2022, 3:49 p.m.

Mrs Bear Don't look anywhere until you have dried your eyes! You must learn to accept genuine compliments. Because they are true! Txx

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2022, 4:09 p.m.

Bear, this feeling of 'guilt' when somebody dies, that you should have done more, contacted them more, adds to the grief. A couple from Dijon, who started with a garden visit and have been 'popping in' each year are struggling. She was/is very dynamic. He was interesting, a bit quieter. Now he has had two strokes, cannot hold a conversation. She gets impatient with him, and feels so guilty. I tried to comfort her a little, had the same when I 'lost it' with Mr G, felt awful afterwards. You are driven to destraction, let fly, then feel guilty, how to stop it? You've done your all. xx

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2022, 4:25 p.m.

Thank you so much Teg ***

Jul

Sept. 8, 2022, 4:31 p.m.

I'll second that (emotion!) Teg. Re. Val Jul xxxx

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:48 p.m.

Dearest Bear, you are a wonderful stalwart and like the safety of a lighthouse in the stormy seas of life. You are a treasure xx

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2022, 9:46 a.m.

Liz, your blog took me back to my son's funeral. I don't know if the celebrant knew my son, but he certainly did his homework, found myself nodding, then discovering new things, because of his illness and Covid I had not been aware of all hid did in the 2/3 years before he was ill. My skillsets? Communication, every sort, and gardening, more than hobbies. My father's business from 13 years old, met huge range of people - then own business, staff, committee work, market salesmen. Then India. Gardening meant (still am) doing things for passers by. 'Opening' garden of first house every market morning, what a range of people and nationalities. Then the rather scary one of opening our historic house to the 'public' on the patrimony week-end. I'd have my 'spiel' then wretched punters (it was free) looked at garden, ornaments, photos - wasting my breath on history. Still communicating, talking outside shop till 1.15 yesterday, well into French lunch time. Thank you.

Reply

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2022, 9:51 a.m.

PS above. sunday afternoon always busiest. Parents of director of Tourist Office told him gleefully that we were overwhelmed. Then Mr G, stage whisper 'They've got away!'. We had an elegant ouside staircase, and suddenly our back 'secret' garden was full, had to chase them out to let those waiting on pavement in.

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:52 p.m.

Hi Gardener, it is lovely to hear how the celebrant for your son's funeral did such a good job. And to hear the new things, which often surprise people. I can list the skillsets of so many of the Moodscopers that contribute to such a warm and encouraging forum. I adore your stories of your life, so interesting. Keep them coming x

Lexi

Sept. 8, 2022, 11:43 a.m.

Liz you are perfect for your job, and for any job for that matter. Empathy and listening and knowing when to step in and knowing when to let things go are skills I am constantly trying to hone. Well done you xo In my former life I was in sales. I was the worst kind of salesperson, because I wasn't motivated by money lol. I wanted to be "liked" by my clients and to be told by my boss that I was doing a good job. *** I hated that job lol. Fast forward and I am doing what I love. I still have to watch the people pleasing bit but I'm slowly getting better. I even stood up for myself the other day when a potential client asked me to negotiate my rates. And I also agree with you - having a sense of humor gets you far in this world! xo

Reply

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:54 p.m.

Hi Lexi, thank you for your kind comments. You sound like my husband, who was in sales but never great at being motivated by money. So glad that you are doing what you love. That is precious. Thank you for your reply x

Patty

Sept. 8, 2022, 3:32 p.m.

I have always been good at relating to people. I have been told that I am easy to talk to and make them feel at ease. I was a receptionist/ office employee. Was dependable, and did my best. I also was a substitute teacher and believe I related well with my students. I enjoy kids very much and teaching. I also love plants and know lots of them and am creative and have painted lots of furniture and sold it as a hobby. Liz, you are a very talented person. Thank you for sharing and encouraging us to share our skillets as well.

Reply

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:56 p.m.

Hi Patty. A good receptionist is worth their weight in gold, and an important front-facing ambassador to the company. I am liking the sound of your skills! Isn't it great to discover new ones too? Thanks for your reply x

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2022, 3:37 p.m.

I don't think I could do your job Liz.The feeling of performance anxiety would get me in a **** of a state beforehand.You are not just making a casual speech at an informal gathering.Some people will be hanging on your every word.The pressure! I think I have mentioned before how impressed I have been by a couple of celebrants at funerals I have attended,and equally disappointed by one or two clergy.It must be a very rewarding job Liz,and I am sure you will be very good at it,if my impressions of you on Moodscope are anything to go by.***

Reply

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:59 p.m.

Hi Valerie... not sure I can do it sometimes when I get "the wobbles". Performance anxiety is a thing but you feel the fear, breathe into it and go for it. Without it, you don't have that edge... your passion, delivery and care is what sorts you out from the rest. It is incredibly rewarding but it is scary! Thank you for your reply x

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2022, 5:50 p.m.

Utterly shattered at the death of the Queen. I am only 9 years younger than her, so our lives, though in different stratas, have run in parrelel - changes and worries she had as head of state, I had from my family. She had a big family, and I think adored the youngsters, as I do mine. Her eldest son is the new King, 8 years older than my eldest son, more parallels. We must hope that King Charles III is strong enough to cope with the very disturbed world he has inherited.

Reply

Dragonfly

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:34 p.m.

I feel unbelievably sad too TG x

Lexi

Sept. 8, 2022, 6:56 p.m.

I do as well, across the pond. xo

Liz

Sept. 8, 2022, 7:02 p.m.

Ah Gardener. Feeling sad too. The end of an era and the life of a remarkable lady. There will never be another like her I feel. x

Orangeblossom

Sept. 9, 2022, 11:51 a.m.

Hi Liz thanks for your thought provoking blog. I retired nearly two years ago now & surprisingly quite enjoying my life. Unfortunately I have been unwell since mid-May but am re-emerging now slowly & steadily. I still need to pace myself more effectively. Something that I need to workat

Reply

Liz

Sept. 11, 2022, 6:48 a.m.

Hi Orangeblossom. I am glad you are enjoying your life but sorry to hear that you have been unwell. May you be like the butterfly that emerges from the chrysalis in your own sweet time xx

Login or Sign Up to Comment